Self-worth vs Self-esteem

I often use the analogy of self-esteem and self-worth with happiness and joy. Self-esteem describes how you think and feel about yourself. It can change depending on how you feel, at the time, what you have accomplished or failed to accomplish, different situations and circumstances, the approval of others, etc. (very much like happiness). Self-worth is the foundation or basis for your self-esteem. It comes from what you both know and believe to be true about your worth as a person (like joy; the world did not give it to you and the world cannot take it away).

What Is Self-Esteem?

People with low self-esteem are less self-confident. Generally, they have more negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. Low self-esteem can be situational or chronic. Chronic low self-esteem is more likely to cause emotional and behavioral problems. Self-esteem is fragile and less certain when threatened.

Because self-esteem is based on thoughts and feelings, it can be unstable and inconsistent.

Your self-esteem is largely based on:

• The personal strengths and weaknesses you are focused on.
• Positive and negative feedback from others.
• Your general mood, stress level, and emotional status.
• Comparisons you make between yourself and others.
• Whether or not you reach a goal or expectation.
• How you evaluate yourself and your experiences.
• Thoughts and feelings you have about certain traits or skills.
• Incidents that create temporary boosts or blows to your confidence.
• Self-judgment and evaluation.
• Conditional and contingent standards.
• What the world determines.
• Your confidence and motivation.

What Is Self-Worth?

Self-worth is less influenced by emotions and feelings. It describes the core beliefs you have about your worth and value that remain consistent over time. Your self-worth is less likely to change in response to feelings, thoughts, behaviors, or experiences. Your self-worth provides protection against stress and emotional problems. It also makes you healthier, happier, and more successful in life.

If you have high self-worth, you are more likely to:

• Be more stable.
• Believe you have value, are worthy and lovable, regardless of what’s happening in your life.
• Both give and get love and respect from other people.
• Accept and love yourself with no conditions or exceptions.
• Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with care, kindness, and respect.
• Believe in your potential to grow, learn, change, and improve.
• Have flaws and make mistakes that don’t threaten your identity or worth.

• Think about all of who you are, not just what is happening right now.
• Have a lasting feeling of security.
• Eliminate conditions or standards set by someone or something else.
• Find value in your core beliefs about you.
• Have emotional stability and self-control.
• Reinforce your worth based on feedback and stress.
• Be more resilient to external threats.
• Use inner beliefs to reinforce and remain stable.
• Reflect on your view of your “true self”
• Is an abundant resource that is self-renewing.

5 Key Differences Between Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Both involve a person’s overall thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about themselves. However, there are some key differences that involve where, when, and how often these two states of being show up. Self-esteem and self-worth also differ in how much they affect a person’s overall emotional stability and quality of life.

1. Self-Worth Is Deeper Than Self-Esteem

*  Self-esteem is driven by deep beliefs and feelings of being worthy or unworthy, bad or good,  "good enough or not good enough” etc. These thoughts and feelings are about yourself. However, usually they are a response to things happening in the moment, and how you’re perceiving these events.

* Self-worth is driven by core beliefs are often old, deep, and resistant to change. External validation is unlikely to change self-worth. What you do, how well you do it, etc. can boost your self-esteem, but they’re unlikely to change a core belief about your worth.

2. Self-Esteem Fluctuates More Than Self-Worth

For example, getting positive or negative feedback from a boss at work could cause self-esteem to go up or down, but it would have less of an effect on self-worth.

Internal and external triggers that could cause self-esteem to go up or down are:

• Achievements: How much you get done, how well you do, and benefits it gives you
• External feedback: Positive or negative, including criticism, praise, or approval
• Vocation & career: Your degrees, job title or role, career success, income, or status
• Beliefs & values: Your religious beliefs, morals, values, or strongly held opinions
• Comparisons: Your relative success, importance, or value compared to others
• Your relationships: Quantity or quality of relationships with friends or family members
• Physical appearance: Your body image, shape, size, or perception of attractiveness

 3. Self-Esteem Is More Fragile Than Self-Worth

Because self-esteem is more vulnerable to internal and external factors, it is also more fragile. Many of the factors that influence it change frequently and are not always within your control. Unless you have a strong “back-up” system of self-worth to rely on when your self-esteem takes a hit, the inevitable trials of life may take a big emotional toll.

Experiences you might have when you’re stressed, anxious, or insecure include:

• Moodiness or feeling more depressed, anxious, irritable, or upset
• Becoming defensive, blaming others, or projecting anger on others
• Overusing unhealthy outlets like alcohol, drugs, or distractions to cope
• Less inner motivation and drive to focus and get things done
• An urgent need to do more or seek validation or reassurance to feel better
• Abandoning goals or projects that don’t provide immediate boosts in self-esteem
• Feeling less able to control urges and impulses

4. Self-Esteem Is More Judgmental Than Self-Worth

* Self-esteem is a byproduct of your critical mind (the part that’s great at finding and fixing problems). What happens when your thinking becomes critical?

* You look for new information you can use to evaluate yourself and/or compare you self to.

* You use other people’s expectations, or your own, to find fault.

* Your self-esteem is higher or lower depending on who you’re around or what situation you’re in.

* Self-worth uses your inner critic differently. Because self-worth is mostly fixed and stable, you will use your critical mind to reinforce your existing beliefs about your worth, rather than recalculating according to the situation.

5. Self-Esteem is Found in the World and Self-Worth is Found Within

* You develop your self-esteem largely in response to things that happen in your life, how people respond to you, or how well you do at a task.

* Self-worth comes from within, and unlike self-esteem, it does not need to be found, built, or rebuilt.

* Distinctions between self-worth from self-esteem are.

Causes of Low Self-Worth & Low Self-Esteem

Psychologists believe self-esteem and self-worth come from a combination of external and internal factors. These factors cause some people to have naturally higher or lower self-esteem and self-worth. Researchers estimate that genes and biology determine about 50% of someone’s self-esteem. This includes factors like personality traits, predispositions, and psychological make-up. They believe the other half is developed by a person’s experiences, with early childhood experiences playing a central role. Parenting strategies are one of the biggest determining factors. Those people who have/had highly critical, abusive, or neglectful parents have the most negative impact. Experiences, later in life, can play a less impactful role in lowering self-esteem or self-worth. Those experiences could be severe trauma or being in an abusive relationship.

Steps to Improve Your Self-Worth

Many people believe that improving their self-esteem is the solution to feeling better about themselves. Really, improving self-worth is more likely to provide lasting benefits. This is because self-worth is stable and consistent, whereas self-esteem constantly fluctuates. While it can be a slow and difficult process, there are some ways to work on improving your self-worth.

1. Stop Looking Outside Yourself for Validation

This includes looking for approval from your boss, social media followers, or even your friends or significant others. External approval can temporarily boost your self-esteem. However, it ultimately keeps you trapped in the same cycle of relying on external validation to feel good about yourself.

2. Increase Self-compassion & Be Kinder to Yourself

Research proves self-compassion pays dividends in almost all areas of life (i.e., making you healthier, happier, and more successful). Being kinder in the way you talk to and treat yourself is a key step towards improving self-worth. Start this process by using the tools available in this month’s freebie section.

3. Separate What You Do From Who You Are

While you can still have goals for yourself, try not to wrap your identity, worth, or value into these. Instead, work to get in touch with your feelings, beliefs, and your core values (the things you want, need, and care about most in life). This reminds you not to tie your worth to your successes and failures, and to help you get in touch with deeper parts of yourself.

4. Stop Competing & Comparing; Start Connecting

Interrupt yourself when you compare yourself to others or feel the urge to compete. Instead, look for common ground, similarities, and things you can bond and connect over. This will help you:

·  Interrupt the unhelpful cycle of comparisons and judgments that feed into self-esteem issues.

·  Feel more connected to people, which helps boost self-worth.

5. Develop a More Positive Mindset

A positive, optimistic mindset is conducive to high self-worth. Negative thinking contributes to low self-esteem and low self-worth. You can break negative thinking with consistent practice. Last month’s newsletter dealt with making mistakes/failure and how to learn from them. When you can change your perspective about events in your life, you go from a negative to a positive mindset. 

• Find ways for your biggest weaknesses/flaws to be strengths as well.
• Look for the “lesson” in past mistakes and failures.
• Look at challenges/hardships as opportunities to grow and learn.
• See all feedback (even critical feedback) as valuable information to help you improve.
• Know that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
• Don’t allow emotions and feelings to rule and dominate you.
• Keep moving forward, refuse to give up.

Low Self-esteem vs. Low Self-worth: When & How to Seek Help

Low self-esteem and low self-worth impact the way you think and feel about yourself. They can both have negative effects on your life, work, and relationships. Those with low self-worth/esteem are prone to anxiety, depression, toxic stress, or addictive disorders. Have you done the steps to improve your esteem and been unsuccessful? There are warning signs that may indicate you need to seek professional help. We are discussing behavior that happens more times than not. We don’t mean, occasionally (i.e. having an awful couple of days). These behaviors are:

• Difficulty focusing and functioning at work, at school, or on other important tasks.
• Negative changes in mood, including more stress, anxiety, irritability, or sadness.
• Neglecting or procrastinating important tasks at work, school, or home.
• Being less consistent with self-care, exercise, and wellness routines.
• Negative thoughts about self, life, and future (e.g., pessimism, self-criticism, cynicism).
• Self-doubt and struggling to set goals, make decisions, and take on challenges.
• Social isolation, withdrawing, shutting down, or lashing out towards others.
• Overusing unhealthy outlets like drugs, alcohol, social media, or other distractions.
• Poor boundary setting or allowing others to disrespect you or treat you poorly.

If you or a loved one are struggling with low self-esteem or self-worth, the best course of action is to get help. You can contact me, or you can search online to find therapists with specific specialties or who are in-network with your insurance. A trained therapist can help you address the underlying causes of your self-esteem or self-worth issues. Also, she/he can teach you ways to build a healthier view of yourself.

With intentional effort, it is possible to build up self-worth and improve the way you think and feel about yourself. Doing so is hard, but it can provide lasting benefits for your mental health, happiness, and overall quality of life.

I wrote this article using research by Hailey Shafir, LCMHCS, LPCS, LCAS, CCS Published: December 22, 2021